More Than Just A Bad Hair Day

Like with my self care post earlier this month (in which I referenced what would be this post), I have also been denying something else for almost an entire year.

Last year when I was interviewing for elementary jobs, I went in and got all my hair chopped off. It was two-fold: I donated 16 inches (again!) and I also needed “elementary teacher hair.” Typically, this is short hair. [Because lice, y’all.] I didn’t realize how short the stylist cut my hair until days later. It was also uneven!! Not like anything could be fixed, but this was when everything started.

Y’all, my hair is shorter now over a year later than when I got that haircut. I can’t tell you how many times I heard from coworkers this past year about my new short hair or hair cut. I got my hair cut on June 13, 2017! I hadn’t gotten it cut!

What they saw was what I was trying to cover up.

With the impeding school year approaching and the mounting fear that I would have to return to my school and not get one of the jobs I interviewed for and not be with The Man (that Dick!)…I began pulling my hair.

It wasn’t a big deal at first. Until September rolled around and I had a bald spot on the crown of my head. I could not wear my hair down. But I continued pulling. Not as bad, because hair grew in and the bald spot was no more. But in the process of waiting and as the year went on, my hair was all janky, so I took the well-meant advice of my school secretary and trimmed it up myself.

UH. NO. NEVER DO THIS.

I ruined it. l definitely could NOT wear my hair down now. So I wore my pitiful patch of hair up in a teeeeeny pony tail all year as another bald spot near my right temple began to show scalp.

My two closest coworkers zeroed in. My mom slowly caught on. Even my youngest brother noticed. My mom’s friend/my health coach noticed even though she hadn’t seen me in months, maybe a year or more.

I refused to acknowledge that there was anything to this. I just kept saying it was like a compulsory behavior when I would get stressed (reality with my diagnosis of anxiety and depression: overwhelmed).

Except I was trying to lie to myself, knowing full well I had seen someone talk about trichotillomania on social media before. Hair pulling, not hair eating. That is exactly what I had. Exactly what I was doing. Exactly what I was ignoring. What I was hiding and pretending was not a big deal. Trichotillomania is a body-focused repetitive behavior classified as an impulse control disorder which involves pulling out one’s hair. Hello, girlfriend.

When The Man and I split in March, I immediately started looking into stylists for hair extensions. Easy fix! No one will ever know because it will all grow out while looking great, was my thought process. UH. NO. My hair was so short, extensions were a no-go. I had to wait 8-10 weeks to check again. In the meantime, I started on a fancy hair shampoo and conditioner to help. My May visit came…and still a no-go. But there was growth, not like I could tell. Another 8-10 weeks and I should be ready to go.

Except…no. I kept pulling until I essentially was almost shaved on the right side of my head. Like short, stubby scrubs on the ground. I couldn’t even hardly put up my hair anymore because it wouldn’t stay in the ponytail. I had to use so many barrettes and bobby pins it looked ridiculous, and still the hair would slide out and pouf up, making me look some kind of scary diabolical. Do not even get me started on when I wake up in the morning. It first was like a finger in the light socket, but as it grew and thickened, it was straight up Chewbacca in the light socket.

Fast forward to July. I thought by now my hair was thick enough we would be ready to go. It is really thick, I just didn’t think it was growing out. My stylist said it was, she could tell, but she was crestfallen at what she saw. Y’all. She almost cried. And she talked about her own fight with bulimia when she was in her 20s and urged me to see someone, and if not that, to at least riddle out what my triggers are.

Except…I don’t know what they are. Honestly, I don’t even think I have any anymore. The initial catalyst was the idea of returning back to my school. Yes, I’m still there, but things regarding the circumstances have changed:

1. That principal is gone. The new one is leaps and bounds supportive and despite his hard poker face, he is very personable and supportive. I know it bothers him a lot when there is something going on with one of his employees.
2. I am no longer with The Man and driving back and forth, back and forth every weekend with all the stress and anxiety tied to all of that.
3. I no longer live where I did, renting a single room. I have my own space and nothing is crammed.
4. I now have a lab for my yearbook staff. We do not have to do everything 100% after school in the evenings to get the entire yearbook done in increments of one meeting each week. I can now actually teach my class as it should be during the actual class time during the school day, every day. (I know, don’t even get me started on that mess.)

 

Symptoms

There are some specific symptoms, and I don’t have all of them. I have tried to stop, and even when I try…I can’t. Like I said, it is like an obsession. And that’s also why I said I don’t have any triggers anymore because I do it almost all the time now: driving, sitting at work during my planning time working on stuff, at home watching TV or reading or on my phone, while I’m talking to people face-to-face (my mom and two favorite coworkers). I definitely feel embarrassed and ashamed and it is out of control, so I don’t want to go anywhere I strictly don’t have to. And I want to wear a hat ALL the time, no matter where I go. While I was diagnosed in December with anxiety and depression, I believe I have had those for years and was never diagnosed because I gave no signs to my doctors and I didn’t seek out information about it until December, and I went for other reasons. I knew I had anxiety and I wanted to be medicated and it was unrelated to the hair pulling. When I do pull, I definitely have a behavior: first, it is the hairs that don’t feel right texture-wise. The coarse ones that stand out or have some other anomaly. Then, it is the ones that are too long in that section. Stupid, I know. Trich is like the cousin of OCD, but I don’t have any OCD behaviors like counting or washing hands.

• Recurrent pulling out of one’s hair resulting in noticeable hair loss
• An increasing sense of tension immediately before pulling out the hair or when resisting the behavior
• Pleasure, gratification, or relief when pulling out the hair
• The disturbance is not accounted for by another mental disorder and is not due to a general medical condition (i.e., dermatological condition)
• Repeated attempts have been made to decrease or stop hair pulling
• The disturbance causes significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. Distress may include feeling a loss of control, embarrassment, or shame and impairment may occur due to avoidance of work, school, or other public situations.
• Hair pulling may be accompanied by a range of behaviors or rituals involving hair. For example, individuals may search for a particular kind of hair to pull or they may try to pull out hair in a specific way.

The other thing about distress in other areas of functioning is intimate relationships. People with trich can avoid intimate relationships for fear of having their secret, which is very shameful to me, exposed. This is true for me. So true. I went on a few dates until the one I liked acted like he died back at the beginning of May. Since then, I have talked to guys and wanted to go do something fun but at the same time I don’t. What happens when my tiny ponytail falls down and the barrettes and bobby pins start hanging by threads? I can’t wear my cap everywhere with every type of attire.

I am facing the fact that I have trich. I have it. I can’t lie. I can’t hide it. I can’t pretend it’s not happening. I was just lying to myself for almost a year. I still want to get the extensions, so here’s to hoping for September! In the meantime, I have bought a silk cap to wear to bed so my hair isn’t as insane in the mornings, especially with wearing my CPAP, and I also realized I can wear it around the house during the day too. It keeps me from pulling, so who cares? No one’s here anyway.

I am also looking into buying a special bracelet to wear that tracks your movements for the behavior – so behavior therapy, which is the recommendation besides medication. I predominately pull with my right hand (and I have figured out it is because I have more muscle on my right arm and better motor control in my hands than my left side). Originally I thought of getting a band for each hand, but they sell separately and are quite pricey. Since my right is the source, I’m only going to get one band. I hope and pray that it works and helps me.

It is more than just a bad hair day. But what do I say when coworkers give me the questioning looks or a gentle inquiring comment without giving away too much personal information?

Self Care Isn’t a Want

At the beginning of the year I said this was the Year of Me. That I was going to tell people NO (teacher translate: Get the fuck away from me; I’m not doing it.) That I was going to be selfish and do things just for me and take time just for me.

Well, we are eight months in and just yesterday I realized something about me. Something I’ve been doing with this whole self care life – and it all hit me with a visit to my chiropractor.

The last day of July I hauled out case after case full of old yearbooks (prior to my time as advisor) that never sold. Boxes that went back to 2007. And there were 2 cases for almost every academic year. I also completely unpacked my classroom, pulling down boxes and boxes of books that my mother put onto my bookcases. I made a few new changes to furniture arrangement – all of which had to be moved as the janitors just shove everything back in wherever. By the end of the night, as the big jobs started winding down to the smaller details of unpacking my desk and cabinet and setting up and rearranging and organizing, my left hip began hurting pretty bad. As the night went on and I left and went to the grocery store, I was literally hobbling. Using the cart as a support. The pain was excruciating.

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This isn’t just a one-time thing, like throwing your back out or a sudden injury. I have permanent back damage. When I first started teaching 6 years ago, I was barely making it through my days at school. I called my chiro’s office one day during my conference in tears the pain was so bad. I have a scoliatic curve that was never diagnosed in all of those school health screenings. My spinal column also is not straight. It is twisted, like a helix. Like DNA. Additionally, where the spinal column meets the base of the skull, mine is not rounded as it should be for that natural curved connection. It is 100% straight. In my consultation I had circled EVERY single part of the spinal column as places I had pain. I joked to my chiro that I had circled them in groups for what hurt in the different areas.

I explained that I had back pain ever since I hit puberty, and my mother dismissed it as just soreness from being an athletic kid in sports. I was forewarned that it might be permanent…and about half of of it is. In my X-ray below, the black line is where the center of the spine should be. The red curve to the left is where it actually was.

My X-ray

I did 4 months of intense PT, adjustments, exercises and I DID change my spine as much as it was possible. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t fun. It is actually painful in the beginning because you are forcing your spine to change. It doesn’t like that one bit! However, this is proof that chiropractors are NOT quacks and that chiropractic care is real health care. Just look at my after x-ray.

Before & After

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I set my Temperpedic to the most intense settings as I went to sleep. I repeated that when I woke up. I got dressed and did something with this awful hair of mine. (That’s an entirely different story – and one I AM self-caring for.) I made the conscious decision I needed to ditch my purse. I know it had to weigh somewhere close to ten pounds. I had already decided on this move – I HATED carrying it. I downgraded to a messenger purse so I could wear it across my body and not have it in the way or dragging down one arm. I did a thorough cleaning out and ditched my old granny wallet that I loved but was just holding so much I didn’t need to carry with me and I set off for the chiro office.

I always have trouble with my thoracic. When it starts locking up, I can’t move. I literally can’t move but mere centimeters. Forget using your arms or torso in any way, and I might be petrified that way for life if I bend. Even with adjustments, the thoracic is a grudge-holding ass and won’t cooperate. It has always taken multiple visits close together to get it unlocked. But August 1st was a day to be reckoned with. It was THE best adjustment I have ever had. Everything cooperated well as it should, which is rare in a solitary visit. I felt immediate and overwhelming relief.

As I left the office and drove to lunch, I realized something about my own self care practices. I was only doing self care based on MY own wants. Just like The Spoon Theory below, I use A LOT of spoons every day. Being a teacher, I use more spoons than are on that chart altogether. It is a highly stressful, impossible, thankless job. (Impossible in the sense of unrealistic expectations.) When I come home, I am already so negative in spoons that by the weekend, getting dressed and brushing my teeth is a struggle sometimes, let alone anything else.

Being spoon deficient, I do things slowly and one at a time. It might also be why I never feel I am making progress these days, but I have to live with that. But part of that is what I’m talking about. I only do self care on my own terms – what I want. Not what I need. I actually am ignoring my real needs, like consistent chiropractic visits. Instead of going monthly as I should just for maintenance, I go only when I am in pain. Well, girlfriend, you don’t feel back pain until you’ve already gone through 80% of it. Y’all. Eighty. EIGHT. ZERO. Percent. When you feel back pain, you are in the upper 20%.

I was hit and had a hard realization about myself and what I am pretending is self care. It is not on your terms. It is not wants. It is NEEDS. Yes, my monthly visit to the nail salon is both – I literally need a knowledgeable professional to take care of my ingrown toenails or else it becomes painful and I might one day obliterate my toes. I also look pretty, which raises my confidence. I get my want and my need is met. So why could I not see that in other areas of my life with self care?

I can’t keep sugar coating it for myself.

The other part of this is indulgence. Self care is not indulging yourself, which I have been doing all summer. I was on a good track in April and May. Then when life change happened, I got off and refused to get back on. I don’t know why. But I kept self-indulging all summer pretending that my treating myself was self care. It’s not. I wasn’t doing myself any favors. It wasn’t just a want. It was far beyond down the scale to outright indulgence.

I have to do better. We have to do better in taking care of ourselves. There has to be something left over from our cup to pour into ourselves.

Review: Pick Another Checkout Lane, Honey!

Title: Pick Another Checkout Lane, Honey!
Author: Joanie Demer & Heather Wheeler
Publisher: Krazy Coupon Lady, LLC
Release Date: January 2012
Length: 329 pages
Genre: Self-Help/Improvement
Format: paperback
Source: borrowed from a friend

Find the book: Goodreads | Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Synopsis

This is not you grandma’s coupon book! Pick Another Checkout Lane, Honey teaches you step-by-step how to:

o Find coupons and “stack” them with a sale for huge savings.
o Build a stockpile of food at rock-bottom prices to last you and your family up to a year.
o Make passers-by gape at your cart full of groceries you purchased for 75% off retail price.
o Get your cashiers to gasp and applaud as you purchase everyday items for pennies on the dollar.
o Gain the confidence to strut down the aisles, flaunt your coupons, and maybe even wear high heels to the grocery store!

Authors Joanie Demer and Heather Wheeler, founders of TheKrazyCouponLady.com, share their expertise along with hundreds of tried and true coupon tips in a fun, user-friendly format that will have shoppers high-fiving the grocery store cashier in no time.

Review

If you want to learn how to cash in for that expensive vacation, save up for a large household purchase or just cut back on monthly spending, this book can tell you one place to save big: the stores.

Yes, these women have been featured on Extreme Couponing. Yes, these women know how to wheel and deal. Yes, these women have families and still save big. Yes, they tell you how to do it ALL.

No, I will never be a Krazy Coupon Lady, and here’s why: Pick Another Checkout Lane, Honey advocates for stockpiling. I come from a family of hoarders, and I will soon marry a man who has hoarder tendencies (seriously, what is the fascination with empty odd-shaped boxes and discarded item packaging!?!). I cannot do hoarder. Plus, I have that Type A personality where everything has to be organized neatly and in its place. It just will never work out for me. However, in the book they talk about how having a stash of particular foods and household items (with amount suggestions!) can ease the burden if something were to suddenly happen to your family’s financial situation (as it did to them).

Now, here’s the burning question I know you are all wondering: How do I save money at the grocery store if I’m buying to stockpile? Well, it’s simple really, and this is what I fully plan to investigate and take advantage of: once you get settled with couponing, only buy products that you have a coupon for AND are on sale or promotion. AND you can use a store coupon AND a manufacturer’s coupon on an item – it’s legit.

They recommend multiple copies of your Sunday paper for the coupon inserts. One of the ladies gets six – I think that’s drastically too much for me. I’ve been buying two Sunday papers, at the recommendation of the friend who gave me the book to read and try. This friend has been doing this a while and truly cashes in at CVS and Walgreens, primarily. You can also buy coupons online and have them mailed to you. Apparently a lot of women do Krazy Couponing!

They share how to know if a coupon is authentic (especially for those bought online), how to select the right checkout lane, how to take care of your checkout purchases, how to talk to your checker or store manager.

One thing the book talked about was that people often complain that store brands are cheaper than name brands, even with coupons. Well, it all comes back to using a coupon for a name brand item during a sale/promotion. I’ve grown up on store brands most of my life, with a few exceptions, and I have a Partner Perks card for HEB so I save even more on store brand items – and that adds up nicely usually each visit – but with staking out the sales and coupons, it can be done. The other thing these fabulous ladies share is that stores run promotions and sales in a 3-4 month cycle, and they break it down in the book so you know what to look for and when.

They have tested various methods of couponing binder set-up and provide the two best methods they’ve tried. I started setting up my binder shortly after finishing the book, but I am still missing a few things before it can be completed. Right now, it’s all sitting in a heap in my closet. Be prepared: you will need a several inches thick binder. Thankfully I haven’t actually put anything into mine yet, but I already know I need to go back and get a bigger binder.

What I really liked about this book is that it sets everything up for you. If you’ve done your binder correctly, you’ve got your store policies and you’ve tested it all out at your favorite stores, you should be good to go – and SAVE!

The other thing I really liked about this book is that it shares how to involve your friends and family into couponing, and has an entire section dedicated to teaching your children money and saving lessons with suggestions. They recommend couponing be a family affair.

This was a very informative book – and I now know how to really get a bang for my buck even though I’m not going to go all-out krazy about it. No, you don’t have to be a Krazy Coupon Lady either, you can be a Savvy Coupon Lady like me, but getting the inside scoop from this book will set you up very well to start saving at the checkout.

About the Authors

Joanie Demer and Heather Wheeler, founders of TheKrazyCouponLady.com, are two stay-at-home moms on a mission to help you save $10,000 in a year. Once college roommates, Joanie and Heather now balance their booming business along with Pull-ups and sippy cups. They are both passionate about empowering women to take control of their financial lives!

Find the author: Website | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest

Book Review: Who You Callin’ Silly? How a Silly Woman Becomes Virtuous

Title: Who You Callin’ Silly? How a Silly Woman Becomes Virtuous
Author: Kimberly R. Lock
Publisher: TriMark Press
Release Date: June 2012
Length: 148 pages
Series?: no
Genre: self-help
Format: e-book
Source: Smith Publicity

Find the book: Website | Goodreads | Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Synopsis

First time author Kimberly Lock challenges women to look into the spiritual mirror. A Christian book unlike any other, Lock has written an engaging and thought-provoking bible study about the nature of unconditional love, forgiveness, feminine strength, and power.

As Kimberly Lock states, “There’s no need to be ashamed of past mistakes…The beauty of it all is that Christ accepts us as we are and forgives us. The key is YOU have to be willing to forgive yourself.” By using her personal life and experiences as a prime example, Kimberly Lock encourages women to harness their feminine strength and have power over past silly experiences.

Kimberly Lock guides other women to the path of virtuousness through the three sections of her book titled: All my Single Ladies, “I’s Married Na!”, and Every Woman. Not only does Lock provide an in-depth and thoughtful analysis that can lead any silly woman back on the path to virtuousness, but also she provides interactive and introspective “Virtuous Assessments” for her readers to complete.

Review

I could not get through more than the second chapter of this book, and here’s why: this book is marketed for women of faith – women who shouldn’t necessarily need to read this self-help book. It’s divided into three parts: a section for single ladies, a section for married ladies, and a section for every woman. The book is accompanied with a forward by Eldress Rhonda Cotton.

I invite you to take this self-examination journey with me and experience a narrative so powerful through the Spirit of God that you will forever change the way you view yourself as a woman.

I gave up churches long ago. I do not believe in organized religion in any form any more, and I’ve been to many churches of various denominations. I am, however, spiritual. I do not call myself a Christian, because Christianity is a trumped up word that folks like to use as it pleases them. I have some relatives who claim to be Christians, but their actions are anything but Christ-like. I talk with my 6th graders all the time about what type of people they want to be associated with, and frankly, I do not want to be associated with Christians. I do not have to attend church to worship the Lord. I do not have to attend church to read the Bible. My mother taught me how to do both, and as long as I’ve been alive, she has never but once attended an actual class at the church I grew up in (and only as a last-ditch effort to get me to go back). I can live my life by example without the duality of Christians.

Jesus made me credible, so there you have it!

Now, with that said, Kim Lock’s book dripped religion. Yes, she has a strong base in religion, being a pastor’s wife and filling in as the church’s technical person (Unity Gospel House of Prayer, Milwaukee Wisconsin). She left her job of Project Manager/Systems Analyst for National Life Insurance Company to raise her children, which, given all the things happening in the world, I would do so as well. But this book seriously pushes the religious envelope. If you are like me, and you do not like having religion or politics pushed on you, this book is not for you.

When I TOTALLY submitted my life to the Lord, HE changed me. 

After contemplating some things, I went out to Goodreads and Amazon to see what others were saying. I was dumbfounded to find that Lock had submitted a “review” to Goodreads in which she gave her book five stars, and was pushing more book-related material. The Publicist, which I reviewed recently, touched on this very item of authors faking reviews for better looks and sales. It is a BAD thing in the publishing world, like a huge black mark against a writer…and here’s Lock, submitting her own review. This severely annoyed me.

I was also quite annoyed with what I had read, but after thinking about what I’d read, I realized this book isn’t for me. I’m not a woman who needs this book – I’m already there. I know my self worth and don’t need validation. Ever get annoyed with someone trying to tell you how to do something, and you already know? After brooding on this a while, I realized that’s kind of where I was at with what I had read.

Perhaps at a later date I will give this book a second shot at reading. Maybe I’m just not at the age where what Lock is speaking about can “sink in.”

About the Author

Kimberly Rochelle Lock was born August 23, 1975, in Milwaukee Wisconsin. Being the only child of her mother and dad, she was preserved. She was so fascinated with learning, that at the age of 5 during a blizzard she walked to school only to find it closed. It was not uncommon for her to participate in State wide spelling Bee contests. Since she was so advanced academically for her age, she began taking pre-college courses at the University of Wisconsin at the age of 11. In her spare time she cheered, played basketball and musical instruments, such as the flute, baritone, harp, clarinet, and her favorite, the cello.

After graduating from Pulaski High School at the age of 16, the University of Wisconsin welcomed Kim as a student to pursue a Bachelors Degree in Management Information Systems. After taking a year off, she completed her Master’s Degree in Telecommunications at Keller Graduate School of Management.

In 2002, she married the love of her life Pastor Marlon Lock. They have four beautiful daughters and a baby boy. Kim has built a spiritual atmosphere in her home, where she balances the delicate tasks of nurturing and guiding her children. This dedicated mother resigned her position as Project Manager/Systems Analyst for National Life Insurance Company to raise her children.

Kim Lock assists her husband in the business aspects of their church, Unity Gospel House of Prayer, Milwaukee Wisconsin. She also manages and implements many of the technical designs within the church including the website, Facebook and Twitter. Many women are drawn and assigned to her for spiritual guidance as she sends out daily devotions to encourage many.

Her character is calm and meek. Her style is simply “classy.” She is a woman of very few and selected words with a smile that brightens the room. Clearly, Kim Lock has an unquestionable commitment to developing women spiritually.

Find the author: Website | Facebook | Twitter | Goodreads

Book Review: The Flirting Field Guide

Title: The Flirting Field Guide
Author: Myrna Kirk
Publisher: Dating Books
Release Date: April 2013
Length: 50 pages
Series?: Across the Universe #3
Genre: self-help, dating
Format: e-book
Source: agent

Find the book: Goodreads | Amazon

Synopsis

How To Flirt and Get Any Woman

I Believe Any Man Can Get The Woman of His Dreams With These Proven Principles

You could be just a one flirty conversation away from meeting the woman of your dreams! In this book you will learn:

How To Overcome Anxiety, Fear and Low Self Esteem

In this life-changing book by Myrna Kirk, you will learn the keys to overcoming anxiety, fear, low self esteem. Did you know that low self-confidence in men is one of the biggest turnoffs for women – especially gorgeous, attractive women who are approached regularly by other guys.

Using some simple, proven strategies, you can conquer fear and anxiety and learn to be self-confident when you’re talking to and flirting with women.

How To Build Attraction and Make Her Beg To See You Again

One of the biggest mistakes men make when flirting is coming on too strong or too directly. Women love mystery and intrigue, and nothing will turn her off faster than saying “I want you!” or anything that directly states your interest in her. Instead, you must learn to indirectly communicate your interest in her and give her mixed signals through teasing and playfulness that make her wonder, “Is this guy really interested in me or not?” Unless she’s wondering, you have no hope!

Review

This is my second self-help book to read this month. I received this book quite a while back, and squeezed it in my reading schedule. I am very proud of myself for reading it, as I have been putting it off since it’s not my typical cup of tea.

First, please note the page length. I read this in 45 minutes. I would not consider this a guide chock full of resources.

While reading Kirk’s instructions to men, I couldn’t help but scoff at some of the things she said about women. At various points, all I could think was, “If some guy did that to me, it’d be adios asshat! Ain’t nobody got time for that.”

However, she did put a lot of emphasis on the fact that for women, it’s about the journey (not the destination) that is important, while for men it’s the exact opposite. Men want to see results (the destination)…and in most cases, don’t give two flips about the journey, but that men need to develop that mystery and romanticism to help the journey. I very much agree.

If nothing else, this is an interesting read on someone’s perspective of what is needed to date women.

About the Author

Myrna Kirk has worked in the area of personal empowerment and individual development for the past 12 years. She designs and facilitates workshops and seminars that assist participants to discover their greatest potential as individuals and find ways to better connect with others in their lives. She has a Master’s Degree in counseling psychology and is currently working on a series of books that specifically deals with the challenges people face developing and sustaining personal and romantic relationships. She lives with her partner in the picturesque town of Parys, South Africa.