Where in the World is Girl of 1000 Wonders?

Hey guys! It’s been … a while.

The last time I posted was November 2019. I tried coming back in February 2020, but it didn’t even make it to a monthly chit chat post.

Life work became too much to handle my actual life. I am still teaching middle school, language arts and yearbook, as well as in charge of UIL. There were endless hours of digital “documentation” and other red-tape justifications required that I

a) wasn’t leaving school until until 7pm or later daily

b) didn’t have the spoons left to even take care of myself once I did get home

c) was so unhappy and {mentally} unhealthy

d) was manifesting my anxiety and depression in purchases.

If I was going to continue to look at a screen when I got home, it was most often to continue working, and if it by chance wasn’t, it was to lose myself mindlessly in social media to numb myself to the reality of my life.

I stopped reading. I think I read 1 book last summer? I have read about a dozen books this year, mostly during the Texas week of snow shut-down in February. I think I have wasted a lot of time numbly? mindlessly? on my phone. I’m hoping to bring reading back into my life.

I stopped buying things for others. That was one one of my three ways I spent money. Sometimes the urge is so hard when I see something that so-and-so would love. Except I never think they actually did.

The other two categories I was numbly? mindlessly? recklessly? spending money on were clothes and eating out. I did legitimately need new clothing because I lost 45 lbs. in a very short time span [whole other story] and my clothes were literally falling off me. Any kid could have easily pantsed me at school with the slightest of tugs. And the eating out was in response to not having the spoons left over to care for myself. Planning meals – and then cooking them – takes a lot of planning. I did all of that for hours at work! Oh. And the moves. And vet bills (I stopped counting at 3K in March 2020). And all of my new medical bills and medications added to my mounting list of debt. How could I forget all of that?!

I accumulated a lot of debt, but somehow it always worked out. Until it didn’t. I had two choices: file for bankruptcy or undergo debt resolution. Did you know it costs you money to file for bankruptcy?? Lordt. I went the other route to resolve my debt. I hate what it is doing to my credit score, but it will eventually bounce back.

There is another thing that only those who are extremely close to me know about. I’ve been battling with this for over 4 years now. I’ve thought many times about the root cause – the “why” – and can’t really decide which it is. I have Trichotillomania – mental disorder that involves recurrent, irresistible urges to pull out hair. It started the last summer I was with R when I was applying to all the teaching jobs around and principals wanted to hire me but didn’t want to even call my current school district to talk about my contract. I was terrified of spending another year living like I was – renting a room in a house with two guys, driving an hour to school in the mornings, and driving almost 2 hours every weekend to be with my SO. And it never stopped.

My hair was so pitiful I could only make a tiny little nub of a ponytail high on my head. I’ve also thought a lot about financial contributing to this behavior because R and that whole situation are no longer in my life and it is still happening. I thought it was getting better, but the trich combined with my thyroid just shutting down last year were a perfect storm in hair loss to the point that I had my mother shave my head into a mowhawk early in the spring – and she didn’t have to do much shaving. I started using MONAT hair wash and conditioner to help my hair growth, and I am trying to force myself to be conscientious about pulling. I haven’t had an “episode” in a while.

Along with my thyroid choosing to chunk a deuce last year for some mysteriously unknown reason, I also finally received some other health answers. At 26 I was diagnosed as Type 2 diabetic. My A1C went from 6.7 to 14.1 in a calendar year while I was eating the healthiest I probably ever had. I argued with my PCP for 2 years that there was something else – and my numbers kept showing it. And then I magically lost those 45 pounds in only 4.5 months. I was finally referred to an endocrinologist who listened to me, so he knew all the right tests to run. Last year when the U.S. shut down, I was diagnosed as Type 1 Diabetic. As well as Type 2. Just like my cousin. I am doing really well on my medications and am thankful for my endocrinologist, who is also just an overall GREAT supporter.

I have felt the past few years that teaching is my identify and I don’t know how to combat that, separate myself into work and personal life. I think returning to two of my passions – reading and blogging – might help me feel more complete. Not hollow. Or lost. Or whatever it is I’ve felt.

I guess this also is my official “I’m coming back!!” post…now that we’ve gone through all that. I’m going to be doing some refreshes here and writing reviews. I am going to be taking it reeeeeeaaaally slow so I don’t experience burn out….teacher burn out (if that even not happen), reading burn out, blogging burn out, life burn out.

And … maybe the biggest news of all. For my birthday in February, my (middle) brother and his wife are giving me the best birthday present EVER.

I’m going to be an aunt!

3 thoughts on “Where in the World is Girl of 1000 Wonders?

  1. Hey, it’s good to see you back! It sounds like you’ve been through a lot to say the least. I didn’t know a person could be Type I and Type II diabetic. I’m so glad you found a doctor who actually took the time and listened to you!

    • It is good to be back! I’m easing in slowly. Yes, someone who is Type I and Type II is called Type 1.5 (or Type III). My oldest cousin on my mother’s side is also both, which is why I thought there was something more. It has been a journey!

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