My Favorite.. is a weekly meme hosted by Maureen’s Books. In this meme, we share every week something we love with each other. Because let’s face it…The world can be a dark place and it’s time to share something positive.
Thing About Myself
My favorite thing about myself is my strength and resilience. Growing up, I didn’t have the best home life. As an educator, I hated having to sit through an intensive CPS reporting and outcry training. I almost got up and walked out. I know the law, I know my obligations. I was that kid. And it really triggered some things for me.
As an adult, I have had a string of bad relationships. Each time I thought I had chosen more carefully, and they all turned out to be L7 weenies. Every guy I have dated has cheated on me. That’s a really hard thing to say. It is like the ultimate rejection…after rejection…after rejection. And I always think the next time will be better…and then it happens again. Even though I KNOW it is not me, that rejection is hard to rationalize between my brain and my heart. Why else would this keep happening? Obviously there must be something wrong with me. I hate that we as women are made to feel this way, and I hate that I have because I KNOW it’s not true…but. It slices away another sliver of your heart. Ironically, every single one of those guys (with the exception of The Man – you know, with all the drama) have come back to me asking me to take them back. What? No. I’m not a person who can give out that trust again. I just can’t. That might be little or petty of me, but I firmly believe once a cheater, always a cheater. That is the rule, not the exception.
Despite my failed engagement, despite this slap in the face, despite my affection and intimacy being turned away for the last four years (yeah folks, that’s right – talk about a patient and frustrated woman), I am a very strong and resilient person. I don’t know if my experiences growing up solidified that foundation, if it is naturally inherent, or if it is from my experiences as a young adult. But that is my favorite thing about myself.